The Abyss
by wickedlfairy17
Summary: Sometimes the tide of events can change as quickly as pulling off to the side of the road. Harry Potter meet Xander Harris. Warning Slash story lol
1. Chapter 1

**The vast universal suffering feel as thine:****  
Thou must bear the sorrow that thou claimst to heal;****  
The day-bringer must walk in darkest night.****  
He who would save the world must share its pain.****  
If he knows not grief, how shall he find grief's cure?**

**-Sri Aurobindo **

**Chapter 1: Into the Fold **

After the fall of Voldemort Harry had thought he would have found peace, or at least the time to seek peace out. That wasn't the case though, they had taken him a few nights after the war had ended and he had woken up here chained. The worst part was he did not know who was tormenting him, they came in cloaks, in whispers and they never acknowledged him. He was chained the ceiling, stripped bare, and he woke in their grasp as they slid a knife down his shoulder blades.

He wasn't the only captive, across from Harry there was another man facing him also chained and stripped bare. This man had long blond hair that hid his face, he was golden tanned and his body was lined with swirling scars that Harry thought almost looked like tattoos. That wasn't what caught his attention at first; it was the man's wings, three sets on each side, a total of six, beautiful wings. The wings were pure white, like freshly fallen snow and reminded Harry of Hedwig.

Harry had tried to talk to the man but he was still unconscious and Harry had learned not to speak while their captors were in the room. Instead Harry turned his attention to his surrounding trying to see what he could use, he was used to being kidnapped and knew he had to look for a way to escape on his own. It was unlikely that another house elf like Dobby would pop in to save him this time. He stomped down the hurt from that thought.

This was not the time or the place to think about loses they had sustained during the war and it wouldn't help him now. A few hours later Harry watched with morbid fascination as the captors hooked the other winged man up to what looked like muggle blood bags. The two bags filled with blood, the color of it was strange it was the deep black red Harry recognized but every so often Harry saw it glow gold.

When the two bags were full they unhooked the winged man and came towards him. It made him nervous and Harry tried to struggle. That was a mistake he was out like a light afterwards and he woke up with the two blood bags hooked into his arms. Somehow Harry didn't think that was sanitary giving him blood from the other man. That's when Harry noticed that the winged man was up, he had the most unreal violet eyes Harry had ever seen and unfortunately spoke a language Harry didn't recognize.

The winged man was beautiful, a very masculine face but somehow it seemed unworldly to Harry. They managed to introduce themselves somehow, the winged man was Raziel and Harry's own name was a struggle for Raziel. Even though Harry could not understand him Raziel spoke to him often, from his tone Harry knew he was asking him questions frequently and Harry wished he knew what he was saying.

There was no way to really tell time where they were held; it was underground plain-cemented room with only flickering candles for light. So Harry told time by when they came to cut into his back when they took blood from Raziel and when they put Raziel's blood into him. By his count it had been a little over a month, food was the bare minimum of some bread and water. It was taking its toil on Harry who had already been painfully thin before their starvation.

Every time they put Raziel's blood into him Harry had to fight to keep what little food he had in, it made him feel sickly and weak. It also made him sleep and it was hard to concentrate on trying to escape when his mind couldn't seem to think. Then one day, two months in on his count, Raziel's constant stream of words started to make sense. It was like he was listening to someone underwater through an old radio though…unclear and not very consistent.

Eventually one day, as if someone had taken plugs from his ears, Harry understood. "What is it like to love?" Raziel asked. Harry had tried talking to him in English before but Raziel hadn't understood him at all. But Harry thought he could try again, "I don't know, I haven't ever been in love," Harry said. Raziel looked at him with wide eyes and Harry began to notice that Raziel's skin had lost some of its golden sheen.

"But you know of love? You understand it? Tell me of love, I wish to know," Raziel asked.

Harry struggled to clear his mind enough to answer (concentrating was hard), "I guess love is something hard to define, what type of love are you talking about?" Harry said.

"There are types of love?" Raziel asked.

Talking about love, after months of not being able to talk to each other should not have mattered but somehow it did. "Well there is platonic love, like the love a parent has for their child or one has for a friend. Then there is romantic love, the one feels with someone special like a husband has for a wife." Harry mused.

For a long time all they talked about was love, what it was, what it felt like, what it caused, and Harry discovered some new things about how he viewed love himself. "Love is the willingness to give yourself to another knowing they could hurt you deeply but trusting them not to," Harry said as he described how he viewed romantic love.

Raziel was obsessed with love, he wanted to know everything about it, even inane little phrases about love caught his attention, 'love conquers all', 'alls fair in love and war'. Stupid things Harry hadn't ever taken the time to concentrate on or really think about. Here he was having a philosophical discussion about love and it was as surreal as it was liberating. Eventually Raziel asked Harry about himself, where he came from, about his life and Harry told him.

He left his life before Hogwarts vague, but Harry told him about his adventures in the magic school. About learning he was a wizard, that he was famous, about his first year there. He told him about facing Voldemort that first time, how scared he had been, and how he had taken martial arts lessons starting that summer. Raziel was a good listener, asking questions at the right time and keeping his attention focused on Harry.

Harry found himself opening up more than he ever had, talking about down playing his ability and keeping his true thoughts to himself. About how alone he felt, but how he had never reached out to anyone. Harry told him about talking to snakes, about how they looked at him that second year, and how he had not meant to pretend to be duller or weaker than he was. It was a habit he had taken from his years with the Dursleys and he hadn't broken it even now.

He told Raziel how it felt to be bitten by a basilisk and the feel of the phoenix tears fighting the venom…even now. His whole life at Hogwarts was soon laid out, third year, getting his black belt, fourth year, beginning wing chun, fifth year, beginning to learn weapons, sixth year, then the war. How it felt handling the hallows, how it felt to die, and how confused he was about where he had gone after he had died.

How it felt to kill someone, his guilt over it while he felt guiltier about taking so long. When he couldn't talk anymore Raziel began to tell him about himself. He was an angel from a heaven dimension sworn to fight evil in all its forms, he was also the keeper of knowledge and he wasn't sure how he had gotten captured either. The marks on his body were angelic runes, some for protection, some for healing, some for strength, and some for courage.

Raziel told him about demons, about dimensions, about how this earth was a nexus for all of those things. He told him about hellmouths, vampires, and demons, as he knew them. He was very old, he did not know his beginnings nor did he know what became of humans after they died. He told Harry death, for a human with a soul, was a personal thing and that for each it is different. He told Harry some about why he was so fascinated with love, and why he had so many questions about humans.

Love, was something Raziel was forbidden from ever feeling. It would cause him to 'fall'. "What would happen, if you 'fell'?" Harry asked.

"It would depend on the fall, my wings would turn black, and I would become mortal." Raziel said slowly.

"Would that be such a bad thing?" Harry asked.

"It would depend on your view of it, I am an immortal being meant to do good. If I were to fall I could no longer do my sworn duty and I would eventually die. Unlike humans, angels do not have a soul we do not live on after death…should I fall and die there would be nothing left of me." Raziel said matter-of-factly.

Harry wasn't sure what to make of that, "Is it weird, not having a soul?" Harry asked instead.

Raziel laughed at him, "I would not know, as I have nothing to compare the feeling to," He answered.

"What does it mean," Harry wondered out loud, "to have a soul."

"In the grand scheme of things everything and nothing. Just because I do not have a soul does not mean I do not feel, I do, deeply. I still have emotions, and was born for good. For some, like a human who has lost their soul to vampirism, the absence of a soul makes them cruel. It makes them prone to do evil, not that they cannot do good as well but it is unlikely." Raziel answered.

"Why does the absence of their soul make them cruel?" Harry asked. He had thought that vaguely vampires were like werewolves suffering from an affliction they had not control over.

"Human beings are born with souls, they need their souls to guide them. When a vampire is made the soul leaves the body and demon energy takes its place…guiding them to do evil. They are still themselves, they have their memories, they still feel, but they succumb to committing terrible acts for the pleasure it brings," Raziel said.

Days wore on, Harry began to feel sicker, with every dose given from Raziel's blood and Raziel began to look as badly as he felt. "Why are your chains glowing?" Harry asked.

Raziel smiled weakly at him, "You can finally see," he rasped, "It is the magic holding me here…no mortal chains could bind me to the earth…it leaches my power and uses it to bind me here."

Then one day something horrible happened, worse than any day before their capture and any day of it. They came in, three of them, and _tore off_ a pair of Raziel's wings. Harry screamed at them to stop, he screamed with Raziel as they did it, and screamed at them as they left with two of his wings. Harry screamed until his voice gave out and struggled futilely to get out of his chains to get to Raziel.

Raziel was left slumped, blood leaking from the stumps they had left behind breathing weakly. Harry didn't know what to do, he could not offer him physical comfort he was chained and could not break free. He didn't know what he could say to comfort him either. Raziel, as it seemed to be his habit, answered his silent question weakly, "Would you sing to me?" he whimpered.

Harry didn't know any songs, his mind was blank, he didn't think he was that good of a singer but Raziel needed him. He sang a song he made up on the spot, nonsense really, but in low comforting tones. With soft, gentle words to reassure him. Raziel smiled at him the entire time through his pain and it made Harry wonder at him.

Raziel was a big man, six foot something was Harry's guess, with broad shoulders and toned muscles. He was an Adonis, attractive, the ideal appearance of a manly man. Yet he was so much more than any man Harry had ever met, kind, patient, sweet, with a very good heart. "May I be half the man you are someday," Harry whispered some time later.

"You are more than that my friend, more than that," Raziel answered.

It was Harry's turn later they came in with a vat of white powered ooze that Harry noticed with horror had feathers in it. It was Raziel's wings, butchered, powered, creamed, and deformed into something hideous. They pulled his chains up so he could not move his arms and his feet dangled not touching the ground. Then they cut his back open again, more deeply then ever before, and pressed _shoved_ their concoction into the wounds.

Then horrors continued when Harry could no longer feel the blood running down his back but instead two raw wounds sealed shut with the stuff. They went to Raziel, bled him into the remains of the concoction and then forced him to _eat _the rest. When his stomach protested and rebelled they just put more into him spelling his stomach from expelling anything more. Then they left him slumped on the ground delirious from sickness and filled with horror.

Raziel sang to him them; sweet songs that were so beautiful Harry cried it was like listening to a phoenix given the voice to word its song. He sang until Harry gave into the darkness. Raziel woke him soon after, "Harry you must wake up!" He said.

"What," Harry said struggling to sit up, sickness weighing him down, "What is it?"

When Harry sat up and could focus past the illness he felt he saw with dawning fear that Raziel was writing in his own blood on the ground. All around the angel's feet there was a swirling circle of beautiful designs Harry recognized as angelic runes and script. "There isn't much time I can feel them summoning a demon not far from here…I fear what they will do to you with a demon in their possession." Raziel said.

"What are you talking about?" Harry asked franticly trying to clear his cloudy thoughts. It was a struggle.

"They are changing you Harry, already I see the evidence of it," Raziel said not taking his eyes off his work. "Every day you gain more and more angelic features, they have designs for you Harry, and I think they mean to use the demon to add to your traits." Raziel said.

"What? I don't understand, why are they doing this?" Harry asked as he struggled to think.

"Of that I cannot phantom their motives, but I don't plan to let them have their way!" Raziel said as he pushed against his drawing, Harry saw his blood begin to glow. The blood flowed from the design, up Harry's body and shattered his chains. Harry smiled before weakly dragging his body to Raziel intent to help his friend. Raziel smiled at him and gathered him up in his arms when he made it across the room.

"I'll rest a bit then work on your chains," Harry said smiling at him.

Raziel smiled back sadly, "I'm afraid that is not possible my friend," he said before he kissed Harry. It was like no other kiss Harry had ever experienced, not only from a man, but so full of something intangible. It was the best kiss he had ever been given.

"What are you saying Raziel?" Harry said when Raziel pulled back.

Raziel smiled at him before he began to draw an angelic rune on Harry's chest over his heart. "It means that I have fallen my friend," Raziel said as he finished his drawing and then he plucked some feathers from his remaining wings giving it to Harry.

"What?" Harry said clucking the snow white feathers to his chest. Absentmindedly Harry noted how very soft they felt.

Before his eyes Raziel's wings began to gray and then soon they were pitch black. The wings drooped, Raziel's skin became a sickly gray and his eyes lost their glow, and through it all Raziel was smiling. "I have fallen in love with you Harry, I would save you from this, and to do so I have to die." He said simply.

"No! We can figure this out! Please no Raziel!" Harry said as he weakly clutched at Raziel.

Raziel touched his forehead to Harry's, staring deeply into his eyes, "I am dying Harry, my wounds are far past what my new mortal body can take, I will die this night but I would see you far from here when I go. I shall take these creatures with me, so you shall not have to fear their shadow later," he said a bit of strength coming into his eyes.

"No, please Raziel, we can do this together, I can save you too!" Harry said desperately.

"Oh, my Morningstar, I love you and I pray that you won't forget me. But I _must do this_. I want to leave this world knowing you are safe. Love is truly a wondrous thing Harry, I am glad to have known it, please seek it out once I have gone…love is worth this pain," Raziel kissed Harry one last time and then place a hand over his heart. "This rune means love, my Morningstar, I have never written it before for fear of falling…it is beautiful and almost worthy of you." Raziel said.

A portal opened up under Harry's feet and he began to cry, "Raziel!" he cried.

"Think of someplace safe Harry," Raziel said as the portal enveloped Harry.

Harry hit the ground hard; collapsing against the sand he heard the rustling sound of waves hitting the shore and smelled salty air. He lay in a crumpled heap, breathing harshly and shivering from the cold. The light of the moon and the stars bathed the world in a soft light. Harry stared at his surroundings from the ground dizzily trying to figure out where he was, and a familiar grave marker enlightened him. He was at Bill and Fleur's sea cottage.

Faintly as if it was whispered inside his ear Raziel's voice came to him,_ "I give you knowledge, all that I have, all that I can give,"_ it whispered across his mind. Then the rune on his chest grew hot and there was a sudden pressure on his mind. A thick warm wetness began to stream from his nose, a nosebleed, and then he seized. Contorting the pain of sudden knowledge not earned but given crashed down on him. He screamed.

**~Three years Later Outside Oxnard~**

Harry drove listening to music and thoughts getting lost in the past. Bill had found him that night three years ago, nursed him back to health enough that he could be moved. It was a long recovery, what he had thought had only been six months tops in captivity had in fact been a year and by the time he had escaped his nineteenth birthday had already passed. Getting back to being somewhat healthy had been harder than he had thought…it had taken him a year to get some of the weight back and to walk for more than a mile without becoming exhausted.

After he had managed to get released from St. Mungos he had to battle with Gringotts to get his money from them…a battle they had lost surprisingly fast. It had been in part to the fact that his body had been going through some changes, marks of his captors' experiments evident, and his eyes when angered took on the quality of a Basilisk. His glare could literally petrify the goblins and it hadn't taken them long to see that giving him his money would be better than trying to stop him.

He learned from that experience and had moved his money to some muggle banks along with keeping some on himself heavily protected. It was never a good idea to keep his money in just one place it was a lesson well learned. After he had gotten that settled he had holed himself away from the world and for two years he tried to process Raziel's last gift.

As was his habit Harry's hand unerringly went to his chest just over his heart, there hidden under his chest was a mark that looked almost like a very fancy tattoo the color of rust. It was the rune Raziel had written in his own blood and the mark of what had happened that night years ago. The mark felt as if it were a scar to the touch but appeared as a tattoo to the eye, in truth it was a conduit. It gave Harry the knowledge that had been Raziel…it had been that same knowledge that had spurned him from his isolation.

Harry had left his hermit home and had decided to go out into the world to see what it held. He had toured a bit of Europe before he had turned his attention to America, and so here he was driving aimlessly. Harry wanted to see what he knew to be out there, things he had never known existed before he had met Raziel. It was as if he had been blind and been given sight at last.

He touched his face, in more ways than one he had been given sight; whatever they had done to him had given him better vision freeing him from his glasses. It was not a loss Harry had mourned though it had been strange to be without them at first. He was jarred from his thoughts when he saw a boy around his age sitting on the side of the road next to a smoking car. Without even thinking about it Harry pulled over to see if he could help, faintly he heard Hermione's voice in his mind commenting on his 'saving people thing'.

Harry smiled as he got out and approached the guy. "Alright there mate, you look like you're in a spot of trouble there," Harry said.

The boy looked up at him with a startled expression getting up and brushing off his pants as he went. "Yeah, the engine dropped out and left me stranded," he said annoyance coloring his tone as he glared at the car.

Harry fought down the urge to laugh, holding out his hand he shook the boy's hand introducing himself, "I'm Harry by the way, Harry Potter," he said introducing himself.

The boy smiled, "Alexander Harris, just call me Xander," he said.

"Just Harry for me mate," Harry said in turn. "So do you want to ride with me into town, I can call you a tow," Harry offered gesturing to his own car.

Xander nodded eagerly, "Yeah thanks man, you're a life saver." He said.

"No worries," Harry said as he got in Xander right behind. Harry called in a tow and they waited for the tow truck before heading into town after it.

"So what brought you over here? Your accent's English right?" Xander said brightly.

"I'm just wondering, I believe the Aussie's call it a walkabout and you Americans call it a…roadtrip?" Harry said.

"Me too!" Xander said eagerly, "I wanted to drive around and see a bit of the world before going back to my home town."

"Yeah, where you from Yankee?" Harry asked jokingly.

"Little place called Sunnydale, few hours that way," Xander said waving his hand vaguely behind them.

"So you're just starting your journey then?" Harry asked as they pulled into the town off the freeway.

"Yeah, it's not starting out too well. Might have to put my vacation on hold while I earn enough to get that heap fixed," Xander said morosely.

Harry wasn't sure what brought him to offering it but before he realized what he was saying he was offering, "Well, I am pretty much doing what you are just wandering around no real goal in mind, if you want you can ride with me," Harry said.

"Really?!" Xander said excitedly bouncing on his seat.

"Yeah really, I could use the company it gets a bit lonely on the road," Harry said as they pulled into the autoshop behind the tow truck. "Let's see what the damage is on your car first, if it's too much I'll pay the tow to take it back to your home and then you can ride with me." Harry said absentmindedly.

"Wow, I don't know what to say man! Thanks doesn't seem enough," Xander said genuinely.

"Pay it forward mate, I'd like to think if I was stranded somewhere some kind soul would pick me up," Harry said smiling.


	2. Chapter 2

**He who fights with monsters might take **

**Care lest he thereby become a monster. **

**And if you gaze for long into an abyss, **

**the abyss gazes also into you.**

**-Friedrich Nietzsche **

**Chapter 2: Welcome to Sunnydale**

**~Xander~**

It was strange being back in Sunnydale, back in the Bronze and Xander couldn't quite pin down why. The past three months were probably the best months in his entire life and Xander was still marveling about it. One thing was for sure, he had some crazy luck to have broken down when he did and that Harry had seen him. After Harry had picked him up they had shipped his heap back to his parent's house and then they had closed their eyes and basically thrown a dart at a map.

They had headed to the Grand Canyon first, talking about everything and nothing along the way. Xander had never met someone quite like Harry; he was insanely generous and incredibly kind. Harry had basically financed the trip for the both of them barely batting an eye at Xander's protests. So Xander had entertained him with tales of Sunnydale, well ones that didn't include demons or vampires. Which he had a surprising supply of, and Xander had listened as Harry in turn regaled him with tales of going to a border school in England.

They had spent a few days hiking the Grand Canyon, Harry had bought a fairly expensive camera and they had taken turns playing paparazzi with the scenery and each other. A few times they had run into people that took a few pictures of them together. After that they hit the road again heading for New Orleans, and that had been a blast. They toured the sights, took in the swamps and spent a few nights getting drunk in a few of the more eccentric bars.

It was in New Orleans that one drunken night Harry had kissed him, which of course had made for a slightly awkward morning after. Harry had of course apologized and told him he'd send Xander home on his dime. However, Xander hadn't been ready to go back to normal boring Sunnydale (big bad adventures excluded). So Xander had waved it off, let Harry know he hadn't minded too much and they were on the road again soon after.

They went to the Mississippi River next and took a steam boat tour. Of course about the second day on the river Xander began to question his sanity and his sexuality. Mostly it was Harry, he didn't treat Xander any differently but Xander just couldn't get that kiss out of his head. He caught himself staring at Harry, getting lost in emerald eyes and generally studying him as he had only ever studied women before. Well, Xander had been firmly in denial about it all for a while.

After Mississippi they caught some races in Kentucky, Harry made some money betting on the horses and it had been fun making some bets of his own. Then they were off to the Smithsonian in D.C. and they stuck around in that state for a while seeing the sites. Harry had paid for them to stay in some very nice hotels so it was actually very comfortable.

It was around the time they were sitting down to dinner in this little hole on the third day in D.C. that Xander realized he couldn't stop staring at Harry's lips. It had been three weeks since that kiss and yet it was all he could think about sometimes. Now Xander wasn't in the habit of lying to himself, his parents' lied enough on their own, at least he could be honest within his own brain. So Xander admitted he had liked Harry's kiss…and wanted another one.

Later that night Xander kissed Harry, and this time there were no weird morning after regrets. They went to New York a few days after and enjoyed Broadway along with some of the crazier sites there. On every street corner it seemed like there was another performer trying to make a buck or trying to get discovered. It made for very entertaining walks…as soon as you got over all the trash. And the strange smell that was.

After New York, they had flown to Florida for the beaches, and somehow Harry's car was there, waiting for them. It was slow developing, this thing between Harry and Xander, just a few kisses. A touch here or there and it surprisingly didn't change much Harry didn't treat him any differently. They still had a crazy good time doing things Xander had only ever dreamed of doing before. It was on the beaches of Florida that Xander began to notice the scar…_really notice_.

The one on his hand said _I must not tell lies_, there was a scar running down the length of one arm, the lightening bolt one on his forehead there was circle on his upper on and on his back…his back looked like someone had taken a knife to him for sharpening practice. The worst of it on his shoulder blades, thick ropey twin scars that looked like starbursts on his back. It all told him more about the things that Harry would not say…horrible things.

It had made Xander feel protective and threatened all at once. That distant part of him that still felt the pull of the hyena wanted to rip someone apart for hurting such a sweet person. Harry was just so small; he looked so fragile, like if you hugged him too hard he'd break. Xander knew Harry was strong though, he was a lot like Buffy in that way. After spending some time in Florida they caught a ship heading to the Caribbean and that had been a hell of a time.

Four days on a cruise ship being pampered was an amazing way to travel and it was almost as awesome as the islands themselves. After two weeks there Xander had casually mentioned Hawaii and before he knew what hit him they were hopping a plane to the Hawaii Islands. After that they had gone to San Francisco and taken in the sights there.

Then they had a road trip down to Napa valley and wine country. Eventually Xander had thought it was time to go home but he hadn't wanted to leave Harry so soon. Harry surprised him again by saying that after he had gotten some things in order he would come down to spend the year in Sunnydale with him. Harry had dropped Xander back at his parents' house yesterday and then they had parted ways reluctantly.

What Xander hadn't expected was the welcome he got, shoved down into the basement, expecting to pay rent for food and board. It had given him a harsh dose of reality and Xander's head was still spinning. That was part of the reason he was here tonight, to get his head on straight and come up with a plan to earn some cash. He felt the weight of the cell phone Harry had given him in his pocket and hoped for a call soon.

He would call the gang to tell them he was back in town soon, he had so many souvenirs to hand out and he had a few suitcases of things he needed to sort out for himself. He had gotten a lot of clothes during their travels; Harry had bought him some when he had gotten any for himself so Xander was proud to say his wardrobe had expanded. There was a lot of film he had to develop too, and some mail to sort through.

Just when he started to get a little overwhelmed by it all Xander spotted a familiar head of blonde hair. "Her whole college life ahead of her, filled with new and exciting experiences, and she comes back to the Bronze of all places?" He said ironically next to her. Buffy spun around; huge smile lighting up her face before she engulfed him in what Xander had dubbed the 'slayer hug'.

Slightly painful but still good, "Xander!" Buffy said pulling away. "Heard you went off to see America? Is it nice I heard it's nice?" Buffy asked leaning back against the pillar.

"It was unbelievable Buff! I broke down outside of Oxnard and ran into this crazily nice dude named Harry. He has an accent as thick as Giles but he is around our age! It was crazy listening to him talk sometimes! Anyways, Harry was over from England doing the same thing as me and we decided to team up! Really saved my ass!" Xander gushed in Willow esque fashion.

"So where did you go!" Buffy asked excitedly.

"Everywhere! It felt like we went everywhere! We headed to the Grand Canyon, hung around New Orleans, bet on some horses in Kentucky, spent some days catching the shows on Broadway, we even managed to cruise down to the Caribbean for a bit before heading to Hawaii! That isn't even half of it! I have so much to tell you guys! But enough about me, what has got you down here looking all glum faced?" Xander said as he plopped down on a free couch.

Buffy followed him down after, "I got my ass handed to me by this vampire at the college, I don't think I can beat her Xander, and I don't know what to do."

"So where's the rest of the gang, Avenger's Assemble and all that jazz!" Xander said smiling.

"I tried talking to Giles, but he wants me to do this on my own. Learn to handle my own problems be an adult and all that. Willow is busy doing the whole college thing and well I don't want to be all in her way about this," Buffy said.

"Well, I think that's stupid Buff, we'll do this together! No matter how old you get sometimes you need a friend to have your back when times get rough," Xander said.

"I don't think I can face her Xander, I failed spectacularly last time," Buffy said pitifully.

"That's bull Buffy, when I am in a tight spot, or scared and don't know what to do I always think to myself, 'what would Buffy do?' You're my hero buffsters, and heroes don't give up," Xander said. "You're just afraid, and that's okay. Everyone gets scared sometimes," he said putting a comforting hand on her shoulder, "being brave doesn't mean you're not scared Buffy it just means you're facing it."

Buffy squared her shoulders and nodded, "You're right! Let's do this!" She said.

"Right!" Xander said getting up with her, "Let's go do some good old fashioned scoobie-ing!" he said.

It was surreal going sleuthing with Buffy again after the last three months. While the last three months while a little crazy, certainly fun, and filled with discoveries had been relatively normal. No demons, no vampires, no Big Bad trying to bring about an apocalypse, and Xander was surprised to find he had missed this craziness. There had been no life threatening situations and he _missed it?_ Xander thought that Sunnydale had infected him with its special brand of insanity.

Before Buffy had come into his life he had been blissfully ignorant of the supernatural craziness that came with living on the Hellmouth that was Sunnydale. Buffy had come into his life like a wild fire, slightly life threatening, sort of beautiful in a dangerous way and mesmerizing. He had crushed on her for a while; Xander looked at her as they made their way to her college, and he was glad to have moved passed that. Xander hadn't lied when he told Buffy that she was his hero, because if the roles had been reversed Xander didn't think he would have it in him to carry on like she did.

Buffy had been just another ordinary teenaged cheerleader, fifteen and a bit air headed. Then the previous Slayer had been killed and Buffy had been 'called'. It was still hard to wrap his mind around that sometimes; some old prophecy said that every generation there was only one girl destined to fight evil to protect humanity. Basically there was supposed to be one girl that got powers, super strength and what not, to be strong enough to fight the baddies.

When a Slayer dies another is called, there were always hundreds of 'potential' Slayers waiting to be called every day…basically waiting for another to die. Buffy got called, and her life had never been the same since. Fighting vampires, demons, and generally keeping the world from falling into chaos. She had endured a lot of heartache too, Buffy had even died once for a bit but she had come back. Xander had brought her back, a little CPR and she was breathing again. Incidentally that triggered a loop hole that called another Slayer and for the first time in history two Slayers were active.

Not that it was necessarily a good thing, Kendra had been called first but when she had been killed _Faith_ had taken her place. Faith was a wild card, and had eventually gone all evil on them. Needless to say having an evil Slayer running around had not been a good thing and had caused all sorts of problems Xander rather not think about. Somehow he thought of Angel and Xander really wished he could forget that guy.

Angel had been a vampire with a soul, cursed by gypsies to have a soul to torture him for his crimes he had committed without one and only a moment of true happiness broke the curse. Not a good thing again, because if meant Angel went all Angelus without his soul being a very evil dude. Buffy had dated Angel while he had a soul, and Xander thought they had really loved each other. Then Buffy had lost her virginity to Angel and poof…there goes Angel's soul.

Angelus had come after them then, killing people close to them, torturing Giles, trying to bring about the apocalypse and then Buffy had to break her own heart to stop him. Xander didn't know if would have it in him, to kill someone he loved to save the world…and that was one of the many reasons Buffy was his hero. Of course Angel hadn't stayed gone for long, coming back from a hell dimension, soul intact, had certainly not helped Buffy move on. Especially since Buffy helped him recover from that little trip waking up feelings Xander thought best suited dormant.

Angel had left eventually, taking off to LA and breaking Buffy's heart all over again. As the college came into view Xander forced his thoughts away from the past and to the present. Buffy had been in a funk since college had started, feeling lost, unsure, and afraid. It had made her weaker than she really was and this bitch vampire girl had taken full advantage. Beating Buffy up, taking all her stuff, basically saying she was going to kill Buffy when the time came.

Buffy had all but resigned herself to defeat before his little prep talk. That was the thing about becoming a Slayer, life expectancy was considerably shortened, and in fact currently Buffy was one of the oldest Slayers ever second only to one who had managed to make it to twenty seven. Admitting defeat for a Slayer was basically accepting a death sentence and Xander was happy he had found Buffy when he had. Even a powerful Slayer needed ordinary old friends to pick them up sometimes, because for all that power Slayers were still human…still had a heart.

Buffy and Xander went through the school records trying to narrow down places that these vampires could nest near the school. Eventually they narrowed it down to an abandoned sorority house and went down there for some reconnaissance. Buffy had sent him away for some weapons and by the time he got back with Willow and Oz in tow the fight was in full swing. Staking vamps, the rush of battle, of watching Buffy fight it was everything he had missed.

Of course Giles came running up after all the fighting was done weapons in hand to help but by that time they were just hauling Buffy's stuff back to her dorm. No one was really talking to Xander so he let his thoughts wander again down memory lane. Willow, his red headed friend, and Wiccan witch caught his eye. Willow and him had been friends since kindergarten they had uncovered Buffy's Slayer secret together. Oz her boyfriend was a werewolf, and wasn't much fun to be around during the full moon if you didn't want to be eaten.

Oz was a musician and pretty laid back guy. Giles, a bespectacled Englishman was Buffy's Watcher, basically he was Buffy's partner in the whole Slayer thing. He did the research, helped her train, guided her patrols, and was basically an all around great guy. The Watcher Council was the ones charged with finding potential Slayers, letting called Slayers know what the hell happened to them and turning them to their 'duty' to fight evil.

Of course Giles and the Watcher Council had some issues so Giles wasn't technically a Watcher anymore. Not that had stopped Giles from remaining at Buffy's side being her Watcher anyways. Sometimes Xander thought that in many ways Giles was like a father to Buffy; her own Dad had walked out on her years ago. The only one in the Scoobie group who didn't have something extraordinary about them was Xander, normal completely human Xander.

At least that is what everyone else in the group thought, the truth of it was a bit more complicated. Sometimes he felt like Alice in Wonderland, he had been changed so much so many times he wasn't quite sure _who _he was anymore. The first change, the first fall into the rabbit hole had been when he had been possessed with a few others by a pack of primordial Hyena spirits. Buffy and the crew had him exorcised of the spirit eventually.

What he had never told his friends was that some of the powers that he had gained from being possessed by the Hyena spirit had lingered on. If they had known they would have tried to strip him of it, since he had done some very horrible things when had been possessed they would have been moved to do it for 'his own good'. However, unlike when the spirit was inhabiting his body influencing his thinking and pushing him to do bad things…what had remained was in his full control.

It wasn't all that great anyway, an enhanced sense of smell, a bit more strength than average (nothing Slayer worthy though), a pack mentality. All things Xander hadn't considered bad and after all these years these traits had come to be a part of him…he didn't want them to be taken away. These traits alone wouldn't have done much to help him be extraordinary anyway, but then he had picked a soldier costume for Halloween.

Nothing crazy, nothing that in a normal town would have done anything to him, but this was Sunnydale. That particular Halloween they had been turned into whatever costume they were wearing, so he had gotten a download of all things Soldier of fortune. That curse had been broken too, but just as with the Hyena things linger on in him. It was strange, because he was the only one who had retained _anything_. The others hadn't kept anything from their costumes.

As with the Hyena the traits he kept aren't that special when you looked at them, a soldier mindset, weapons knowledge, knowing how to survive in the wild and a bit of the strength from that as well. When combined with his lingering Hyena traits though it was very slightly more than a normal human was equipped with. He wasn't Slayer strong, he was slightly stronger than the average body builder he thought, but it was something. It certainly made facing super strong vampires with nothing but a wooden stake a bit less daunting.

That along with all the experiences he had from fighting alongside Buffy, he was stretched, squished, and vaguely Xander shaped. However, he didn't feel quite like he was normal old Xander anymore. He didn't feel like the boy that had grown up with Willow and was generally seen more as a comic relief than anything. He tried to be their Xander shaped friend still, but Xander admitted he wasn't quite ordinary Xander anymore.

Then of course there was Harry, Harry who was beautiful, who made him feel special, who had taken him on the adventure he had only thought he could dream about. Harry who had kissed him and shattered all Xander's beliefs about himself with a simple little drunken kiss. Harry who had changed him once more from thinking he was 'normal straight Xander', to very confused but very attracted Xander who was in a sort of relationship with another guy.

Never in a million years before Harry had come into his life had Xander thought he would ever get into a relationship with another man. But it had happened and Xander was surprisingly okay with the craziness of it. Harry was kind, he actually _saw_ Xander, the normal but not quite normal Xander. Harry thought he was _extraordinary_…had told him as much. Harry who was willing to pack up his life in England and move down to Sunnydale _for Xander_.

Harry who was by far probably the wealthiest person he had ever meant, but was humble and generous in a way Xander had **never** thought a person could be. Harry who showered Xander with a gentle affection that Xander had _never experienced_ in his entire life and who Xander was sure he was well on the way to falling in love with. He cast his eyes to the other Scoobies, and felt suddenly very nervous. He didn't know how to _tell them_ and ironically he thought this might be what it was like for a normal person coming out to their parents.

Xander's parents were drunks, borderline abusive, cold people and he wasn't frightened about telling them he was going out with a guy. His friends though, they were like his true family and he was very nervous to tell them about Harry. Mostly because they only knew the Xander shaped friend who was seeming very straight. Buffy knew he had a crush on her once upon a time, they knew him in his relationship with stuck up Cordilla, who lost his virginity to Faith, who had kissed Willow.

This revelation would probably as hard for them as it had been at first for him, because if he was honest it had taken him weeks to admit to _himself_ that he wanted Harry. It would probably take them just as long to get used to the idea of him with a guy. Xander discretely fingered the cell phone in his pocket, he wanted to call and talk to Harry. He restrained himself though…but it was still tempting.

**A.N.: Chapter 2 done! Lol setting some things up this chapter and giving some background to new readers who have no clue on all things Buffy! This is set in the beginning of season four, and changes will gradually be made. More action will be coming next chapter, Harry will be back! Lol Read & review please! ^-^ It certainly motivates me to write more and update sooner! **


	3. Chapter 3

"**I prefer dangerous freedom over peaceful slavery."-Thomas Jefferson**

**Chapter 3: Dangerous Freedom**

**~Harry~**

Harry nervously fiddled with the keys to his new house and finally managed to steel himself enough to open the door. It was dusty, the furniture was covered in white sheets and it had the hallow feeling that reminded him of the Shrieking Shack and it reminded him uncomfortably of Remus. Remus had forgiven him for knocking him and Tonks out before the final battle and locking them in the Chamber of Secrets.

It had been the only way Harry had thought of to keep the two of them from all the fighting, it had been a risk but well worth their lives. Harry had been so angry that they would even risk fighting with him after just having Teddy…it was irresponsible. Harry wished there had been someone to do that to _his parents_ and maybe they would have been alive still. His actions had put a serious strain on their relationship, they hadn't even been talking when Harry had been captured…and of course after Remus had felt too guilty to approach him.

That hadn't stopped Remus from lecturing him nonstop the last two weeks about how stupid he was being now. The worst of it was that Harry knew what he was doing was crazy, irresponsible and slightly rash. However, Harry didn't care! The last few months with Xander had been the most peaceful Harry had felt in _years_ and he **was not** giving that up. It was all so blissfully normal, when he was with Xander he was just Harry and nothing else mattered.

Harry waved his hand clearing the rooms of dust as he walked through them and then he began uncovering the furniture as he went along folding the sheets to be put away later. He caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror and winced, he was still not used to his reflection…it was like looking at a stranger. Ever since…Raziel…his appearance had been slowly…subtly changing and every time he looked in the mirror he was reminded of it.

His skin was pale like always…but it seemed so flawless now…unnaturally beautiful. His eyes glowed a bit now…always green but now somehow more intense…tinting over to yellowish green in anger. His hair was still a chaotic mess, but now when the light hit it right it shone a blood red as opposed to his birth black…it reminded him of blood when it did…Raziel's blood. He was still as short and slim as always but Harry took little comfort in that. Truthfully Harry wouldn't have minded too much if the changes had included some height gain…sadly it had not.

Shaking himself out of those thoughts Harry focused on the house; it was happily partly furnished so he wouldn't need to buy many things to get it decked out. It had been ridiculously cheap to buy a house with a decent piece of land in Sunnydale…small wonder with it being a Hellmouth and all. When he had driven into Sunnydale that first time with Xander he had felt it…the Hellmouth…and it had firmed his resolve to get back as quickly as possible.

Hellmouths attracted all sorts of baddies and Harry wanted to get back as quickly as possible to protect Xander. It was a small wonder Xander hadn't been killed if he had been born and raised in this town. Harry was still debating on whether or not to tell Xander about the whole supernatural thing. A small part of him was deathly afraid of telling Xander he was a wizard and all those monsters he had heard in the stories were real.

It was in part from his childhood with the Dursleys, Harry admitted, his fear of being rejected over being a freak still crushingly present. Harry wasn't stupid, before there tentative relationship Xander had been 'firmly straight' and he didn't want to add the extra stress of all the other things in his life to their 'thing'. Perhaps later, when they were on firmer ground and he had less doubts.

That didn't mean Harry was going to leave Xander unprotected because he was skittish about revealing his world to Xander. Harry had plans to ward his new house with the strongest ward layers he knew of and inviting Xander to move in with him. It was a little fast but Harry figured they could sleep in separate rooms so it wouldn't be too fast. He just wanted Xander sleeping somewhere safe…and maybe Harry wanted him around too.

That wasn't the only thing Harry was working on either, he was in the process of crafting a protection amulet for Xander to protect him while he was out of the house. Sighing Harry got to work getting the house ready and set up to live in. He would need to all the magical enhancements _before_ he let Xander know he was back. He went through the house, fixing things, transmuting furniture as needed, expanding the master bathroom, and doing the basics.

The two story house had a simple layout, Kitchen, living room, a bathroom with a small room on the ground floor, three rooms, two bathrooms, a Master suite on the second floor, and a small attic along with a relatively decent sized basement. Harry expanded the Master bathroom a bit; he wanted to spoil himself a bit with some luxury there. He made sure the attic had wards that hid it from sight planning on putting his magical things up there since there was access to it from his Master.

He cleaned things up and then he began to prepare things for his wards. Carving small angelic runes for protection on every window sill, door and opening in the house…including the fireplace. He buried his prepare ward stones in the basement for anchors, and then got to work purifying the house. To help with cleansing the house Harry smoked the house with Sage, and then traced purifying runes with holy water mixed with his blood on the walls both angelic and wizarding.

Then he sat crosslegged in the heart of the house, which according to the blueprint was the Kitchen, and began chanting the chain of spells that would ward the house against anything seeking to harm the inhabitants. Harry wiped his nose with the back of his hand ignoring the nosebleed, it always came when he accessed more of the knowledge Raziel had gifted him with. The wards Harry was layering were a combination of wizard wards with Angelic wards…powerful but a pain in the ass to cast. It was very delicate and needed to be done all at once otherwise it would collapse.

It was a relief a few hours later when Harry finished with no mishaps, the first time he had done that it had been for Remus' house and he had been interrupted in the middle of his chant. The backlash from the wards collapsing in on him had sent him into a coma for three days; it had not been a fun experience. Harry stomach grumbled letting him know it was lunchtime and he needed to eat having skipped breakfast to start on the house.

Harry ignored it and began unshrinking the stuff he had brought back from England with him wanting to unpack. When he had all the boxes unshrunk in the living room Harry pulled out his phone to call Xander wondering if he wanted to catch some lunch. Harry was hoping that he could brooch the topic of moving in with him over food. Harry figured that he could get Xander to go back to his parents place to pack his things while Harry put all the sensitive stuff away if he agreed to move in.

**~Xander~**

Xander fiddled with his hands trying to ignore how hungry he was at the moment by concentrating on catching up with Willow and Oz. His was still currently unemployed and that meant no food for Xander until he could get some funds together. Xander hadn't expected a warm welcome from his parents but being put in the basement expected to pay rent for food/board had been a little surprising. He was just so hungry!

Firmly pushing those thoughts out of his head he noticed Buffy heading their way. "Hey! Say hi to non-college guy!" Xander said smiling at her.

Buffy was in a mood it seemed since she replied, "Not that I mind but don't non-college guys populate the non-campus."

"Usually, just thought I'd come around and check on my girls," Xander said patting Oz on his knee hoping to get a rise out of him.

"And eat off my plate," Willow said smiling coyly at him.

"What's the deal Xand? Parents not feeding you," Buffy asked sarcastically.

"Sure they do…for a price…" Xander said uncomfortable with how close she had gotten to the truth.

"So spill, what was that all about with the cutey patutey?" Willow asked smiling teasingly distracting everyone from what he had just said.

"I don't know, nothing serious I think, just random adorableness," Buffy replied.

Xander felt he must have missed something, Buffy must have ran into some guy on the way here and by the looks of things he was the only one who hadn't noticed. Since he wanted to feel like he was a part of the conversation Xander said, "A technique I know well, hit the girl with your best shot then hasta."

"Gotta respect the drive by," Oz chimed in.

"No rejection, fond memories," Xander mused.

"That looked like more than that to me, he got all googly eyed," Willow said.

"That's because he got hit with the buffenator, now he's powerless," Xander said hoping to get Buffy a little more friendly to him with shameless compliments.

"You think?" Buffy asked getting all bubbly.

"No question, he'll be back," Oz chipped in.

The girls giggled, and Xander barely restrained rolling his eyes. "So what else is up with the Buff, any vamp action," Xander said trying to get the conversation off of romance for a moment. Harry flashed through his mind unheeded and Xander squirmed uncomfortably at the reminder of needing to tell them about Harry.

"Nope, I did get jumped by a demon of nonspecific origin last night," Buffy said helpfully.

"Yeah! Something apocalypsey? Do we need to assemble the Scooby gang?" Xander asked trying to hide his excitement. By the look of amusement on Buffy's face he didn't manage all that well.

Buffy giggled at him, "No but thank you for asking."

"I just got way too excited didn't I?" Xander said sighing.

Buffy patted him on the hand, "You just need to get out of the basement more Xand." She said.

Just then Xander's cell phone rang in his pocket and he scrambled to answer it fumbling with the phone to get it out to answer. Only Harry had his number and though Xander tried to hold back his excitement about talking to his green eyed guy he didn't manage well. Buffy, Willow and Oz were eying him in surprise. "Hello?" Xander said trying to act cool (and failing miserably).

"_Hey! I'm back in town and I was thinking we could meet up for some lunch somewhere,_" Harry said cool English accent heard clearly from the phone his friends suddenly quiet.

"Yeah! Where do you want to meet up?" Xander asked failing wretchedly to keep the excitement out of his voice.

"_Well I was hoping you knew a place,"_ Harry said.

"Oh right, home field advantage and all that," Xander said suddenly nervous about his friends' united attention. He hoped Harry didn't say anything too…romantic…that was so not how he wanted to bring up his new relationship to them. "There is a nice café off main street," Xander said trying to ignore his friends' curious stares.

"_Okay, meet you there in twenty?"_ Harry said lightly.

"Yeah, I'll be there!" Xander said.

"_See you there then,_" Harry said hanging up.

When Xander hung up he was met with three curious stares and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Who was that?" Willow asked curiously.

"When did you get a phone?" Buffy asked pouting at the same time.

Xander shuffled the nice thin silver cell phone from one hand to the other nervously, "Oh that was Harry," Xander said ignoring Buffy's question for now hoping she would drop it. Explaining his sort of boyfriend bought him a cell was on his 'not ready yet' list that seemed to be growing lately.

"Who's Harry" Oz asked curious.

"I didn't tell you two about him yet?" Xander said lightly trying to hide his nervousness.

"He's the guy that Xander spent the last three months with, seeing America and all that," Buffy said lightly.

"Really?" Willow asked looking to Xander to elaborate.

"Yeah, I broke down outside Oxnard when I went on my road trip, Harry stopped and picked my pitfulness up from the side of the road. Since he had the same idea in mind, you know aimless wandering and all that, we teamed up." Xander said lightly. Before he was bombarded with questions about his trip Buffy's new roommate butted into the conversation and Xander used her as an distraction to escape. "Well better get going, see you guys!" Xander said as he booked it.

Thankfully only Oz looked at him funny; the girls were distracted by the new addition and forgot about him. Xander knew he would need to come clean to them about Harry soon…he shouldn't hide it from them. Still, part of him wasn't quite ready to take that step yet. That wasn't to say Xander was ashamed of his relationship with Harry…far from it…but he was nervous about telling his friends about it. He just wasn't sure how they would react to it, since there just wasn't that many gay couples in Sunnydale…at least not that Xander had noticed.

So since they had never broached the topic of same gender relationships he wasn't sure how his friends felt about it…and thus his nervousness. What if they were disgusted by him? What if they tried to talk him out of it? Xander liked Harry too much to walk away now that he had committed himself to giving this thing between them a chance. The thought of having to choose between his friends and Harry was terrifying. Something he was _so afraid_ would happen because it was one of the worst case scenarios that played out in his head.

When he saw Harry waiting for him with a smile, after not seeing him for two weeks, well all those bad thoughts suddenly vanished. Harry smiled, food was laid out waiting for him on the table, some of his favorites and Xander smiled widely. Harry was just too sweet, his stomach grumbled in agreement making him blush as he sat down.

"Hungry?" Harry giggled.

"Yeah, hi to you too," Xander said teasingly.

"Well dig in love," Harry said lowly making Xander shiver nicely. A new sensation that was more pleasant that he had expected.

"Thanks," Xander said digging in. A little while later, pleasantly full, Xander leaned back sleepy in a food coma and Harry passed him a little present wrapped in plain brown paper. Xander picked it up with a smile, "Buttering me up for something," Xander said.

Harry chuckled, "You could say that."

Xander got the small box open revealing a necklace inside, nothing girly _thank god_. It was a silver pendant on a brown leather cord with a small soft white feather; the cord had a few juniper beads on it Xander recognized. The pendant was a triangle over a circle bisected by a line looking properly mystical. Warning sounds began ringing in his head, "It's really nice did you get it in town?" Xander asked with forced casualness.

"No I made it," Harry said smiling, "a friend showed me how to make good luck charms back in England and I thought that it might help you out! You told me a few of your crazy stories, seemed like you could use one!" he said teasingly.

Xander firmly stomped down on his panic, he was being unreasonable, and he forced himself to put the necklace on. When nothing unnatural happened Xander breathed a silent sigh of relief and allowed himself to appreciate the coolness of the gift. "Thanks," Xander said smiling. Shyly Xander kissed Harry lightly on the mouth before pulling away. He was rewarded with the sight of pink blushing Harry, well worth it in Xander's mind.

The necklace had given him a moment of panic because Xander hadn't had the best of luck when it came to picking romantic partners. For a moment there Xander was nervous this was going to another one of those moments when he discovered Harry was a little more than human. Thankfully it hadn't turned out that way and he just got a cool looking ordinary necklace.

"Ah, so I bought a house," Harry began nervously.

"That's great!" Xander said.

"Yeah, umm well I was wondering…I know its kinda fast but I thought that maybe…umm," Harry fumbled while Xander waited patiently. "Well you see, since your parents'…what I mean is that it's a pretty big house and I thought maybe you might like to move in. Rent free in all that since I just want the company, you'd have your own rooms and..uhh…I'm buggering this all up aren't I?" Harry said slumping in his seat.

Xander held back the insane urge to pull him into a hug, Harry just looked so cute, "My Mr. Potter, are you asking me to move in with you?" Xander said teasingly with a fake southern accent fluttering his eyes dramatically. It did the job making Harry burst into giggles and breaking the tension.

Harry hit him on the arm, "Yes you prat! Figured you could use the rent break and I could use the company! The house is pretty big and empty; don't quite like the idea of getting strangers for roommates to fill it up." Harry said excusing himself.

Xander just grinned at him, "Missed me did you?" he said, "well Harry you've made me an offer I couldn't refuse," Xander said in his best godfather voice making Harry laugh again.

"Good! Well I am in the process of unpacking so I figured you could go pack up your things at your parent's house and then I'd pick you up when you're done. That way I can get a dent into unpacking my things before you bring in more stuff," Harry said smiling at him.

Xander just let the warmth from that smile wash over him, "Sounds like a plan!" Xander said happily.

**~Harry~**

It was a relief how easy it had been to get Xander to move in, Harry had honestly been expecting more of a fight from Xander since he had argued so much with him about gifts when they had been on the road. Xander must really not like living in his parents' house, and Harry could relate…his relatives had certainly not been the best people to live with either. He hadn't managed to get all his magic things unpacked before Xander had called for his pick up so he hid the rest in his closet.

Xander's reaction to seeing the house was nice; he had been properly impressed and gushed over his room. He had waxed poetic about moving aboveground and had Harry in a giggling fit. This was part of the reason he had been so eager to get back to the states and Xander…Harry hadn't laughed this hard in a long time. Xander was funnier than the twins when he wanted to be.

Just then Xander came out of his room tucking his cell in his pocket and acting very nervous, "Hey Harry could I borrow your car uhhh my friend Buffy is in need of a sit down and I want to catch her while she's at Giles' place." Xander asked.

Since Xander was acting so shady Harry was tempted to invite himself along but the magic things in his closet needed to be put away. Plus Xander had his protection amulet on so Harry didn't have to worry about him getting hurt. "Sure," he said handing Xander the keys, "try not to drive her into a tree," Harry joked.

"Noted," Xander said smiling. "Thanks," Xander said kissing Harry on the cheek making Harry's stomach flutter pleasantly. "I'll be home soon! Hopefully," Xander said as he went off.

Harry wondered what had Xander so worried, but Harry figured Xander would tell him if it was anything serious. Harry didn't want to push Xander or be overbearing so Harry shrugged it off.

**~Xander~**

He made it to Giles' place just as Oz was pulling up too. Xander got out quickly hoping to get more of a run down on what brought on psycho killer Buffy. Oz raised an eyebrow at him, "Nice ride." Oz said.

"Thanks, I borrowed it from Harry," Xander said, "So what's the deal?" he said trying to distract Oz.

It worked because they got to Giles' place and Giles answered him hurriedly, "Willow called, said Buffy was acting a bit peculiar, talked about slaying her roommate that's all I know." Giles said as he cleaned his glasses.

"Okay, so what's the plan?" Xander asked.

"Tie her up until we figure this out." Oz said.

A while later when Buffy came into Giles apartment Giles dropped the net while Oz and Xander tied her up with some rope. "This hurts me more than it hurts you," Xander said as he tied her hands.

"Not yet," Buffy growled.

"Ah don't say that," Xander whined nervously, "Ah please don't say that."

"We're doing this to stop you from making a terrible mistake," Giles said.

Of course later when it turned out that Buffy's roommate was in fact a soul stealing demon from another dimension they all felt a little foolish. Xander was so happy to go home to Harry at the end of it all and forget about it all. In the end it all worked out like it usually did, Kathy the roommate was banished back to her dimension by her equally soulless father (?) and Giles managed to get Buffy's soul back to her that her roommate had stolen. All in all just a typical Tuesday.

Coming home to find that Harry had cooked him dinner and finished setting up the house was a good surprise. Stomach full, blissfully content, Xander spent the rest of the night making out with his sort of boyfriend before they both went to bed. The icing on the cake that Xander discovered when he went to his room was that Harry had taken it upon himself to unpack his things for him too. His new bed was made up, deliciously comfortable, his clothes were put away and most of his other things were laid out read for him to choose their placements.

Yeah, Xander thought he was halfway sure that he was in love with that man or if he wasn't already he would be very soon. Harry was so damn considerate. Xander went to bed with a smile on his face, thinking that maybe tomorrow night he would see about spending the night in Harry's room. For now he was content with enjoying his own space.

**A.N.: Episode too down! Not as much action as I wanted but necessary to ease Harry into Sunnydale! Ahhh didn't think I'd get this done so soon! XP Its just buzzing around my head not leaving me alone! As always please review and let me know what you think! **


	4. Chapter 4

"**We gain strength, and courage, by each experience**

**In which we really stop to look fear in the face…**

**We must do that which we think we cannot."**

**-Eleanor Roosevelt**

**Chapter 4: Harsh Light of Day**

**~Harry~**

Harry was sitting in the living room on his surprisingly comfortable brown leather couch and sorting through pictures from the road trip he had taken with Xander. There were more than he had thought, and he was truthfully a little overwhelmed. Xander came down from his room yawning and stretching like a cat temporarily distracting Harry. Blushing Harry tried to turn his eyes back to the pictures but his concentration was shot.

"Morning," Xander said plopping down next to Harry on the couch.

"Morning," Harry said flipping through the pictures and finding a very rare sight. Xander had snapped a picture of him kissing Harry's cheek making Harry blush pink while in the background there was a wall of water. Niagara falls had been awe inspiring. Xander took the picture from his loose grasp putting his arm around Harry's shoulders as he did.

"This is a nice one," Xander said teasingly.

"Yeah I think I'll frame it and put it my room," Harry said snatching it back stomping down the urge to blush…he was blushing too much already.

"So what are your plans for today?" Xander asked.

"I was going to go shopping for some food, and some little things we still need for the house. I wanted to get a better Washer and dryer set," Harry said absentmindedly. "What about you?" Harry asked turning his attention back to Xander.

"Giles called earlier said he wanted to hire me to help him organize his library," Xander said.

"Sounds like we both have a full day," Harry began, "I was thinking that we could invite your friends over tonight sometime, I'd like to meet them," Harry said smiling.

Xander suddenly looked very nervous and Harry kept his face carefully open bracing himself for bad news. "Well…uhhh…the thing is…that…well…okay here is the thing…until you I hadn't even looked at another guy in _that _way and well…uhh I haven't really worked up the courage to tell them…about…us." Xander said wincing as he closed his eyes as if he was expecting a blow.

Harry kept a firm hold on his temper, he forced himself to see it from Xander's position and his anger slowly died. It was natural for Xander to be nervous about announcing their…whatever it was between them…to the world. Harry remembered how it had taken a while to come to terms with his orientation after his time in captivity. His childhood had been spent watching everyone around him obsessing with being _normal_ and that had left its scars on him.

Being a poof hadn't exactly been in Harry's preconceived notion of 'normal' so he had taken a while to come to terms with it. He didn't need to push Xander into doing anything he wasn't ready for and he needed to be understanding. Harry smiled and grabbed Xander's hand, "That's alright Xander," he said as Xander opened his eyes in surprise, "I'll just be your roommate and friend; I would like to meet your friends though."

Xander looked confused for a moment before he nodded, "Yeah, I'll invite them over, I have a bunch of souvenirs I need to give them anyways," he said smiling.

"Great! Then I'll make a big dinner tonight," Harry said smiling.

Xander smiled at him and kissed him lightly, "I better get going, Giles is expecting me soon."

"If you wait a tick I'll drop you off on my way into town." Harry said moving to grab his keys, wallet and shoes.

"Thanks, you're really too good to me," Xander said teasingly.

Harry winked at him, "That's just because you're such a sexy chancer." He said.

Xander smiled, "I hope being a chancer is a good thing?" he said sardonically. Sometimes Harry forgot that Yankees didn't have the same slang.

Harry smirked, "It is for me," he said as he sauntered out the door Xander grinning stupidly at him from behind.

**~Xander~**

Xander looked at Giles' books in frustration, he couldn't concentrate and it was making organizing his books an impossible task at the moment. He was relieved that Harry hadn't been upset with him about not telling his friends about them yet but at the moment he felt like an absolute asshole. Harry was so sweet and understanding. Xander knew he had hurt Harry by being such a coward and not owning up to the fact he was in a gay relationship to his friends.

"Ahh, I don't get your crazy system," Xander groaned.

Giles took the book from him and put it quickly away, "It's called the Alphabet," Giles said sarcastically.

"Would you look at that," Xander said jokingly to cover up his mistake. The door opened behind them drawing their attention to the entrance and Xander was mildly surprised to see Anya walk through the door. He hadn't seen her since their mutual pity date to prom.

"You should lock your door," she said lightly to Giles.

"Believe me I am kicking myself," Giles replied in posh tones.

"Anya, last time I saw you, you were fleeing in terror, how did that work out for ya?" Xander asked to back Giles up.

"I need to talk to Xander," Anya said pausing for a moment, when Giles didn't leave she sneered lightly, "go away." When Giles didn't move Anya huffed and grabbed Xander's hand, "Xander come with me," she said as she pulled him outside.

"Willow said you're working here," Anya said lightly.

"Yeah I needed some money," Xander began before Anya interrupted him.

"So where is our relationship going?" She demanded.

"Our what? Our who?" Xander asked genuinely confused.

"Relationship, What kind do we have and what is it progressing toward?" Anya asked matter of factly.

Xander felt completely blind sighted and he suddenly wondered why all the crazy demon chicks seemed to be attracted to him. "I…uhhh…you think we have a relationship?" Xander asked incredulously.

"We went to the prom," Anya said smiling sweetly.

"Yeah on our one and only date, second date called by giant snake, plus there is the whole you used to be a man killing demon thing. Which to be _fair_ is as much my issue as it is yours, but that doesn't mean we're in a relationship Anya. In fact we're barely acquaintances." Xander explained slowly. Have to be gentle when rejecting the crazy ones, because the last thing Xander wanted was to be kidnapped and almost raped by a woman _**again**_.

"I can't stop thinking about you, sometimes in my dreams you're all naked," Anya said advancing on him with wide eyes.

Xander was getting more uncomfortable by the minute, his crazy stalker alarm blaring in his mind and he joked to distract her, "Really? You know if I'm at the checkout line at the Walmart I had that same one." He chuckled nervously.

"So I can assume a standing Friday night date and a mutual recognition of prom night as our dating anniversary?" Anya said smiling widely.

Xander felt a moment of panic; he would have to be blunt because he wouldn't risk his fragile relationship with Harry over a crazy girl, "Anya! Slow down! In fact come to a screeching halt! See these things kind of have to develop on their own, and right now I'm not interested in pursuing anything with you. I'm already seeing someone and don't want to risk that," Xander said slowly.

"So you don't want to have intercourse with me?" Anya asked confused.

"No, I want to go back to sorting books with Giles and forget this ever happened," Xander said scooting towards the safety of Giles' apartment.

"But I don't understand," Anya said confusion scrunching up her face.

Xander almost felt bad and he patted her shoulder as he said, "It's simple, whatever it was that could have been between us ended on prom night. Now you need to move on and I need to get back to work." Xander said booking it back to Giles apartment before she could stop him. He closed and _locked_ the door before she could possibly follow him.

"What was that all about?" Giles asked.

"Nothing," Xander squeaked picking up a stack of books. He would tell Harry about Anya tonight, explain the whole thing, because the last thing he needed was her to show up while Harry was around causing doubts. Xander sighed, why did demon women find him so attractive? Did he have a sign on his back that said come and get me?

Xander found out later that most of his friends were going to a frat party tonight and wouldn't be able to stop by to meet Harry. Luckily he caught Harry before he made dinner so it wasn't a complete disaster and they just rescheduled the whole thing for Monday night instead. When Xander had gotten home later that night and nervously explained about Anya, absent the whole man killing demon thing, Harry's reaction wasn't what he had been expecting.

Harry had the gall to fall to the ground laughing deep belly laughs hysterically. Xander was a bit upset about it honestly. It wasn't funny that he continued to be assaulted by crazy girls…okay maybe it was a little funny. Thinking about it Xander realized he had been almost raped by no less than three dangerous crazy women and was it any wonder he had developed some fear of the opposite sex? Maybe that was part of the reason he found dating Harry so comforting, and at least a small reason why Xander was so open to exploring a relationship with the same gender.

Then of course the next day Giles called to tell him about Buffy's run in with Spike, which was a bit unnerving. A couple days after that he called a full blown research session with the other scoobies…needless to say they were also put to work helping him organize his things. "Okay either I'm borrowing all your albums or I'm moving in," Oz said excitedly as he flipped through Giles' record collection.

"There are more important things than records right now," Giles said as he flipped through another book tiredly.

"More important than this one?" Oz said holding up an album.

Giles sat up a little straighter, "Ahh…well…I suppose an argument could be made for…" he said.

But Xander interrupted him when he unearthed something amazing, "Woah, Giles' has a TV! Everybody Giles has a TV! He's shallow like us!" Xander said putting the TV on display.

"I gotta admit I'm a little disappointed," Oz said jokingly.

"I…I…I…" Giles stuttered.

"Maybe it doesn't work it's like art!" Willow said desperately only to gasp and flinch when Xander turned it on.

"I…ummm…public television!" Giles defended. As a news report on a sink hole blared out at the room. "Come on everyone, we have vital work to do television is no gonna help us right now." Giles said only to startle when he actually paid attention to the report.

"Tunneling," Oz mused.

"Spike," Giles said seriously. "Come on, Xander, find Buffy and meet us there!"

Xander nodded and made for the door. Spike was bad news; he was a vampire Angel had made before he had been cursed with a soul. Spike was almost as bad as Angelus had been, and he had tried killing them all at least once. What Buffy and Giles thought was that Spike was after a stone that was said to take away vampires weaknesses. Basically meaning that they could go out in the sun, stakes to the heart wouldn't dust them, crosses and holy water would have no effect.

That was the worst possible thing that Spike could get his hands on, because even though Spike had been a real pest in the past he had been easily handled before. If he got his hands on this gem though Spike would be nearly unstoppable until they got the gem away from him. Buffy was in a major funk at the moment and Xander wanted to get to her quick to get her head in the game.

According to Willow, Buffy had been smooth talked by this guy Parker into sleeping with him and now Buffy was very upset that the guy hadn't called her after. Xander could understand why Buffy was so upset, before Parker she had only been with one other guy…Angel…and that hadn't ended well. Xander knew Buffy hadn't slept with him more than once, so this was only her second time having sex and it hadn't turned out well either.

However, Buffy had made the decision to sleep with Parker, without making Parker be clear on his intentions only assuming that her 'giving it up' meant it was leading into something more. Yeah, Xander was still going to deck the guy next time he saw him for messing with his friend but Buffy had to realize her part in this too. What was really upsetting is that Buffy seemed to be obsessed with getting into a relationship with someone, anyone really, to help her forget about Angel.

Well Xander knew from experience that it didn't work like that, you had to let go of that hurt on your own and come to terms with being okay alone _before_ you put yourself out there again. If you just hopped from one relationship to the next you never gave yourself time to process all that baggage and let it go. However, Xander very much doubted that was what Buffy wanted to hear right now. Xander literally ran to Buffy's room but she wasn't there.

Turning around he saw Anya had snuck up behind him, "Xander! I was looking for you! You weren't in your musty basement," She said.

"Yeah I moved out, have you seen Buffy?" Xander said rushing her.

"No…about what you said before," Anya began.

Xander interrupted, "Anya I don't have time," he said running off. He rushed across campus trying to remember if Buffy had any classes today and where she might be now. When Xander finally found Buffy she was getting her ass handed to her by spike. Now he knew that he was really no match for a vampire, supernatural traits included, but he had to do something. He couldn't exactly watch his friend get killed without at least trying to help.

So he snuck up behind Spike, hoping the element of surprise would help him even if it was only a tiny bit. When he saw his chance he charged, now Xander was expecting to distract Spike until Buffy could get up, and maybe if he was lucky he wouldn't come away without any missing limbs. What Xander wasn't expecting was that when he charged Spike for his necklace Harry gave him to warm up and when he collided with Spike the vampire was thrown violently into a wall.

Buffy who had yelled at him to get away when she had seen him charging sat on the ground in stunned silence. "Xander…what the hell was that?!" she said as she got up.

Spike had managed to pick himself up, shaking his head and charged at Xander for revenge before Buffy could move to stop him. Again his necklace heated up, it was like Spike had slammed himself into an enforced steel wall and this time Buffy moved. She snapped his arm back ripping the ring with the gem off his finger and Spike high tailed it out of there before either of them could stop him. Buffy focused on him, "Xander, what. Hell. Was. That?" she said pointedly.

Xander shrugged sheepishly, pulling the necklace Harry gave him out from his shirt, "Ah, well I think it was this?" Xander said unsurely.

"And what is that and where did you get it from?" Buffy asked crossing her arms.

"Harry gave it to me," Xander started, when he saw the look on Buffy's face he shook his finger at her, "Hey, I know that look! It's not whatever horrible thing you are thinking!" Xander said defensively.

"Xander if you don't recall, I just dealt with a roommate that was trying to steal my soul. With your history, I think it's time I met your roommate…just to be safe." Buffy said decisively. She huffed at the look on his face, "I'll let you do the talking first but if I don't like what he has to say about that necklace…" Buffy said leaving it unsaid.

Xander sighed, and nodded trying not to feel panicked. He _did_ have a history, and if Xander was honest he really wanted to know what the hell this necklace was…if it was more nefarious than Harry had made it out to be. It just sucked that the first time the gang would meet Harry would be through and interrogation.

Buffy stole his phone to round up the others than they all headed towards his new place and Xander didn't know what he dreaded more. The gang meeting, and scaring an innocent Harry away or finding out Harry wasn't all he had said he was. Xander shifted uncomfortably as he felt all eyes on him as he pulled out his keys, and opened the door. Walking in Buffy right behind him, followed by Willow, Oz, and Giles Xander didn't see Willow or Buffy tense up as they passed through the doors.

Harry was in the kitchen, making himself some tea when they came in and he looked up at them in surprise, "Hey Xander I wasn't expecting you home so early and with friends!" Harry said smiling. He walked towards them holding out his hand, he shook Buffy's, Willow's, Oz's and then Giles' hand while saying, "I'm Harry, Harry Potter, but just Harry please. It's nice to finally meet Xander's other friends!" He said smiling warmly.

Xander squirmed as Buffy looked at him expectedly, "Ah, that is…" Xander started gaining Harry's curious attention, "about the necklace you gave me…" Xander said before he noticed Harry tensing up.

"Are you alright?!" Harry asked eyes scanning Xander for injuries.

"Yeah…it's just…the necklace…Harry what is it really?" Xander asked.

Harry shifted from one foot to the other, eying his friends that were staring them down, "Xander maybe we should have this conversation in private." Harry said.

Buffy stepped up to him, "He's not going anywhere with you until you tell us what the hell that necklace is!" Buffy said moving to stand between Harry and Xander.

Harry eyes narrowed, "Listen here you bloody barmy bint, I don't want any barney but what I have to tell Xander is private! I don't need you mucking about while I do! So chivy on!" Harry said angrily.

"Wait what?" Buffy asked confused.

"I for goodness sake, he said he doesn't want any trouble and wants us to go," Giles said as he took off his glasses to clean them.

"Yeah well, I'm not going anywhere until you tell us what the hell that necklace is!" Buffy demanded glaring at Harry.

Harry glared right back, "Look, you little minger I don't know you, I don't owe you anything if I want to talk to Xander without you around its my right to do so! You're in _my house_; you shouldn't come barging in here making demands!" Harry said heatedly.

"Actually, Harry, I would feel better if you just told me with Buffy and the gang here," Xander said hesitantly chimed in.

Harry turned his glare on Xander, "Fine, might as well get this over with then! Before you expect me to go full monty too!" Harry bit out. He took a deep breath, "What do you want to know you berk?" he said.

"The necklace, what is it really? How did you make it?" Xander asked flinching.

"It's a protection charm, I told you it was a good luck charm so you wouldn't be freaked out," Harry said.

"You said someone back in England showed you how to make it," Xander said leadingly.

"Yeah, we spent some time locked up in a basement together," Harry bit out.

"Who was he?" Buffy demanded.

"I never asked," Harry bit out.

"What do you mean you never asked?" Buffy said suspiciously.

"I was a bit busy and distracted at the time," Harry said angrily.

"Doing what?" Buffy pressed.

Harry eyes narrowed, glowing a bit, he whipped around pulling his shirt up to reveal his mutilated back covered in scars, "_**Surviving**_," Harry said. Xander gasped, Willow covered her mouth grabbing on to Oz while Giles muttered 'oh dear' while cleaning his glasses again. "You happy now, I was kidnapped, I don't know by who so don't bother asking, and spent a few months chained to a wall being tortured. I wasn't the only one, a guy was locked up with me, he got me out, and told me how to make that," Harry said nodding to Xander's necklace.

Xander hissed, "I'm…I'm so sorry Harry," he began.

"Don't," Harry bit out. "Can we talk now without this inquisition? I want the rest of you people out…now." Harry said flatly. Buffy looked about to object to leaving but Xander shook his head and pushed them out the door. When they were gone he came back to find Harry standing stiffly by the fireplace.

"Look Harry, I'm sorry," Xander began.

"Don't." Harry said not turning to face him, "do you trust me so little you couldn't have come to talk to me about this alone. Did you have to bring your friends with you for back up?" Harry asked voice filled with pain.

"Harry…I…I don't know what to say to make this up to you but I'll do whatever it takes to make this better. All I can say is that I…I don't have a good history with relationships and when…well when the necklace was more than you said it was well…I got scared," Xander said turning Harry to face him gently.

"Did you have to be such a bloody prat about it?" Harry asked.

Xander cupped his face and looked into his eyes, "I'm sorry, I know it's not enough but I'll do whatever you need me to…to _fix this_…Harry I want to give us a real chance." He said desperately.

For a moment Harry just looked at Xander, and then he said, "Alright," he sighed.

"Do you want to tell me how you got those scars," Xander asked tentatively.

"Not at the moment Xander, honestly right now I need some space…I'm gonna go up to my room now…please don't follow me…I'll…I'll come find you later," Harry said stepping out from Xander's hands.

"Alright, I really am sorry Harry," Xander said to Harry's back as he left the room. Harry paused, gave a nod, and left him in the empty room. Xander sat down heavily on their couch and noticed that the pictures from their trip were still spread out on the coffee table with a half filled album next to them. He felt like an even bigger jerk.

Harry had done nothing but give Xander everything while Xander hadn't given Harry anything in return…only pain. He put his hands in his face, Xander knew he needed to tell Harry exactly why he had been so freaked and about the other part of his life. Slayers, demons, vampires and all before this thing they had fell apart at the seams. These secrets weren't his to give though, and he would need to clear it with Buffy first.

Looking up Xander made his way up to Harry's room, knocking lightly before he came in. Harry was sitting on his bed staring at a wall, Xander got down on his knee in front of him, "I'm not going to let you shut me out," he said as he took Harry's hands, "I promise to explain everything soon." Xander said. Harry just sighed at him.

Desperate Xander kissed Harry, hard on the mouth, putting everything he could into the kiss. His true feelings, his desire and his affection. Harry resisted at first, but slowly he gave in kissing Xander back. Xander leaned into Harry, laying him onto his bed gently, his kissing became soothing, questing, tender…and Harry whimpered kissing him back.

There was still so much they had to talk about, so many secrets they had to reveal to each other, but right at that moment none of that mattered. All that mattered was that they cared about each other, that they wanted to express that and everything else didn't matter as much as that next kiss. Slowly, Xander's hand touched the smooth skin of Harry's stomach as he held onto the boy as if Harry was his last lifeline to the world. Xander peppered Harry's face with kisses tenderly, before capturing his mouth again. Nothing matter in this moment but the two of them.

**A.N.: O.O…oh my…well…I certainly wasn't expecting this when I started writing this morning. Lol please review and tell me your thoughts! Its nice even hearing just that you like it. **


	5. Chapter 5

"**The only thing necessary for the triumph **

**Of evil is for good men to do nothing."**

**-Edmund Burke**

**Chapter 5: Awakening of Fear**

**~Harry~**

It had been a few weeks since their big blow argument and things had finally got back to an uneasy peace. Xander studiously avoided asking Harry about the necklace and anything that might involve the necklace while Harry had dedicated himself to avoiding Xander's friends. It made for a very tense atmosphere since Xander was still very involved with his friends and Harry had yet to open up about the happenings of that night.

The real issue was that they were both so obviously keeping secrets from each other but they both refused to ask the other to open up about them. Since Xander was pretty much the only person Harry knew in Sunnydale it left Harry with a lot of free time on his hands. So he filled it by practicing with his guitar and writing song lyrics. It had been something he had picked up after his escape from the demented cellar and it had been his tribute to Raziel.

Harry had remembered how much Raziel had loved his singing, how much it had comforted the angel and Harry had been trying to get better at it. He thought it was a nice way to go about remembering the man who had given up everything to save Harry. He learned the guitar, started writing song lyrics and it had been a very therapeutic exercise. When Harry wasn't playing his guitar or writing lyrics he was meditating to try to sort out some of the knowledge Raziel had gifted him with.

This almost always left him with a migraine and a nosebleed. It certainly had its benefits and its drawbacks. The knowledge Harry gained was awe inspiring but at the same time it left him feeling very drained…filled with grief. Sometimes when he spent long stretches of time sorting through memories he would dream of Raziel. It took him a long time to figure out that his dreams were some of Raziel's memories and it left this aching hole in Harry's heart when he woke up in the morning.

Harry knew he cared for Xander, that he felt at peace when he was with Xander but at the same time Harry acknowledged he still loved Raziel very deeply. Every night he dreamed of Raziel he found out a bit more about the man who had sacrificed himself so Harry could live. Raziel had been a very good man…he genuinely wanted to help people. He had been _created_ to fight evil but that wasn't why Raziel had done it. Raziel fought evil, helped people, cared for the innocent because it was what he _wanted_ to do.

Raziel had been a keeper of knowledge…he had known all the horrible acts humans had done to each other and yet he still looked at humans as a people of kindness. Sometimes it was very hard for Harry to think about how Raziel had viewed the world since it was so far from how he saw it. Harry, try as he might, didn't look at people the way Raziel had.

To Harry people were inclined to do more bad than good, people were more prone to hurt than help, people were…very close to being inherently evil. Harry had suffered from the hands of people, from the ignorance, from the hate, and it was so hard for Harry to understand the _love_. It made him feel guilty and less than what Raziel had deserved. Sometimes Harry thought it would have been better for the world that Raziel would have survived as opposed to Harry escaping death again.

It didn't help that Harry had yet to open up to anyone about what his life had been like in its entirety so it was always there in the back of his mind. The taunts of 'freak', the small child that had been 'boy', the figure that had been the 'chosen one' as well as the 'deceiver', and it left Harry with very little real self worth. Harry knew some of his depression came from survivors guilt but he refused to really excuse himself from the pain.

Xander's friends dropped by the house on occasion to visit Xander and when they did Harry hid out in his room. Truthfully Harry had the thought of returning to the road more than once but then Xander would hold him…taking that deep pain away for a moment and he would lose his resolve. Harry knew something had to give soon otherwise he would go insane. He had to tell Xander the truth but that childish part of him that distrusts everyone wanted Xander to open up first. It was a good old fashioned standoff and neither side were pulling the trigger.

**~Xander~**

It felt weird carving pumpkins with his friends at his house when Harry was upstairs avoiding them. Willow was being good about keeping up the chatter but Xander saw Buffy's eyes dart to the staircase more than once. Buffy was sitting morosely on the couch playing with the guts of the pumpkins a big pout on her face. She had been depressed since the whole 'Parker incident' and had been wavering from depression over that to bitter anger towards the 'unknown element that was Harry'.

Xander had tried his best to dissuade the group from looking into Harry and the necklace he had given him but it wasn't working. Buffy seemed to be obsessing over it since it distracted her from her 'Parker Thoughts'. Xander felt a little bitter about it since she seemed set on making Harry out to be a big bad and he hadn't thought of a good reason to stop her yet. Her eyes kept wandering back to the staircase and then she would pout at the pumpkin guts in her hands.

After the fifth time Xander caught her eyes wandering there he sighed, "What? What is it Buffy?!" Xander asked exasperated.

"I'm thinking about the life of a pumpkin, there you are happily entwined with the other pumpkins in the sun then someone comes along cutting you from that and rips your guts out." She said petulantly.

"You might be thinking that but that doesn't explain why you keep eyeing the staircase like it's up to something." Xander groaned.

Willow rocked nervously on her perch on her chair, "Hey guys let's not fight." She said.

"No, if Xander wants to know I'll tell him." Buffy said huffing, "I don't trust Harry, what's he doing up there? Why can't we hear him moving around? Why won't he tell us about Xander's necklace? Why can't we find out anything about him? Willow ran a background check and there is nothing on him! In England or otherwise! All Giles could find was his name on the list of lords in England…where does he get his money? Why is he in Sunnydale? What are his intentions?" Buffy rattled off scowling arms crossed.

"You make it seem like Harry is the next big bad," Xander returned glaring.

"He might be!" Buffy said, then she saw the look Xander was giving her, "Oh, don't give me that look! You don't have the greatest track record when it comes to people Xander! Hyena dens, Mantis lady, Mummy girl, plus you took _Anya_ to prom…I'm not even gonna talk about _Faith_…if you were dating Harry I'd be even more worried than I am now!" Buffy said scowling.

"Says the girl who dates vampires," Xander countered uncomfortably.

"As if Angel can be compared to your record!" Buffy said indignantly.

"You're right; none of my _associated_ demons tortured Giles, tried to kill us, and went _without_ getting the slayage in return! While Angel is walking around out there like a ticking time bomb!" Xander hissed.

Buffy looked like Xander had punched her (and it actually hurt), "Angel paid for his crimes…he knows he can't…" she said stumbling.

"Right, still doesn't change that fact that if he gets careless and has a happy moment he goes all Angelus on the world. Now that he has that gem…the one you _insisted _on giving him if he ever does go all evil again it will be damn near impossible to stop him! Thanks for that Buffy. If you can be irrational about the whole Angel deal then I have the right to tell you to stay the hell away from Harry!" Xander said furiously.

Buffy looked hurt, then she got that stubborn scowl of anger on her face, "Tell him what we found so far Will!" she said dragging Willow into it. Oz remained stoically on the ground at Willow's feet watching the fireworks.

"Ahh well," Willow began sheepishly at Xander's glare; "Giles and I did managed to find a reference for the symbol of the pendant on the necklace. It's a symbol from this children's story Giles got from a thrift shop in England, it's supposed to represent the 'Deathly Hallows.' Basically there were these three brothers' who managed to cheat death so death gave them a gift." Willow began nervously.

Xander rolled his eyes, "Right like taking a gift from a supernatural being _ever_ turns out well." He scuffed.

"Right, well, it was a trap. One brother asked for a wand that would help him to do really great magic, one brother asked for a stone that could call back the dead and one asked for a cloak that would hide the wearer from anyone's sight. The first brother got killed for the wand, the second brother killed himself to be with his wife who had died since the stone didn't give the dead life only form, the third hid from death until he was old and then he gave his cloak to his son. He walked into death's arms unafraid." Willow said in running babble form.

"Ok, so what does this have to do with my pendent?" Xander said taking his necklace out from under his shirt.

"It's simple see," Willow began touching the necklace, "The triangle is the cloak, the circle is the stone, and the line is the wand. In the fairy tale the one who collects all three becomes the master of death." She said smiling.

"That's nice and all…but I would have noticed if Harry toted around a wand or a stone. Plus he hasn't gone invisible once," Xander said casually dismissing the entire thing.

"That's not the point, why did he choose _that symbol_ as the focus on your protection amulet? Why a feather and a strand of juniper beads? I've been looking into it and I haven't found one book that has those three together to make an amulet. There was a bunch of stuff on juniper beads, the American Indians used to make necklaces out of them for their children to keep evil spirits away but I couldn't find one conclusive spell using them. Feather's aren't used for amulets normally…too whimsical. Plus I couldn't find out where that feather came from…or what has feathers like that I should say." Willow said all in a rush.

"See! Highly suspicious!" Buffy said crossly her arms.

"Whatever, Harry is one of the nicest people I have ever met! If you guys would stop researching him and just get to know him maybe you would see that he is a very good guy! I get your concern I really do but seriously guys…just trust me on this one Harry is not evil!" Xander said decisively.

"We're just worried about you Xander," Willow said softly, "This is the hellmouth…we've been through too much to not be cautious about strangers with questionable backgrounds. Has Harry even explained himself to you?" Willow asked kindly.

"No, but that is totally understandable. You guys saw his back! Whatever he went through was bad…really bad…and here you come in all accusations looking for someone bad. Is it any wonder he clammed up? What has he really done anyway? Given me a necklace that protected me from a vampire…oh my god he must want to make sure I'm safe as one of his only friends in Sunnydale. Commence with the slayage! He must be stopped!" Xander said sarcastically.

Buffy looked about ready to get into it again but Willow grabbed her hand shaking her head to shut her up. Willow had known Xander long enough to see he was two seconds away from exploding if this subject dragged on. "So what are you doing for Halloween Xander?" Oz asked getting a sweet smile of thanks from Willow for the subject change.

"Oh, you know scary movies, candy, popcorn, and all that," Xander said noncommittally, "You guys are welcome to come join if you want."

"I thought we were doing that fraternity house thing," Buffy said pouting.

"What thing?" Xander asked.

"This fraternity house does this haunted house thing, you got to get through the haunted house maze before you can get to the party. It's pretty cool and the party is usually worth going to," Oz said.

"You can come if you want Xander," Willow offered.

Xander shifted, "I don't know, Harry would kind of be alone if I did," he said.

"He could always come too," Willow offered lamely.

"No offense Will but he hasn't wanted to see you guys since that whole ambush incident…doubtful I'll get him out of the house for another one," Xander said.

"You could always have Giles come over to keep him company, he might not mind another brit hanging around," Oz suggested.

"I don't know, maybe," Xander said.

**~Harry~**

He was trying very hard to ignore the pain that was slowly blossoming on his back, it wasn't the first time this had happened and Harry preferred to ignore it when it did. He heard the door close downstairs and Harry put his Guitar back into his closet then picked up his lyric notebook. The knock at his door could only be Xander and Harry sighed…gritting his teeth to keep the pain from his face.

"Come in," Harry said.

The door opened and Xander smiled at him sheepishly, "Hey," he said awkwardly.

"Hey," Harry said.

"So I know it's kind of last minute but I was wondering if you wanted to come with me to this Halloween party tomorrow. My friends say this frat throw a really great haunted house party," Xander said rubbing his neck nervously.

Harry kept his face carefully blank, he had forgotten it was Halloween tomorrow, "You know I don't really celebrate Halloween, you go and have fun. I'll just hang out here." Harry said forcing a smile on his face.

Xander shifted, "I know you don't like my friends much, but if we going to have anything real between us you have to at least learn to tolerate them. They're really important to me," He said gently.

"It's not that Xander, I just really don't like Halloween too much," Harry said trying to not feel guilty as he fell back onto his bed.

Xander came into his room and sat next to him on the bed, "Why don't you like Halloween? I mean free candy! What could be bad about that!" he said smiling.

Harry debated on what to tell him and finally he decided to tell him something close to the truth. There would never be anything real between them if he didn't open up but it didn't make it any less frightening. Harry stared at the ceiling, not wanting to see the pity in Xander's eyes, "Truthfully?" he began, "I don't like Halloween at all since it is not a really good day for me." He hesitated.

"Why?" Xander asked taking Harry's hand into his own.

"My parents were in this organization that was tasked to fight terrorist but home. They went into hiding when they found out my mom was pregnant with me. I was a little over a year old when one of their friends betrayed them and brought the terrorist leader to their safe house." Harry said.

Xander squeezed his hand, "What happened?"

"I don't remember much since I was so young but my dad tried to distract him long enough for my mom and I to get out. The leader killed my dad and then he came for us. I remember hearing my mom beg for my life…he killed her in front of me. I somehow managed to survive the whole thing with just this scar." Harry said tracing the one on his forehead. "It all happened on Halloween…that was just the first of many bad October 31sts." He finished.

For a while Xander didn't say anything and Harry refused to look at him. "I'm so sorry Harry," he began, "I'll stay home with you tomorrow." He began.

Harry interrupted him, "No! Go to the party have fun, I don't want to bring you down with me on my doom and gloom day." He said with a shaky smile.

"I don't like the thought of leaving you alone," Xander said.

"Well I don't want to be the reason you can't enjoy a holiday you like," Harry said stubbornly.

Xander sighed, squeezed Harry's hand and said, "How about this, I know you don't like my friends much but Giles…your fellow Brit…is planning on just doing the whole handing out candy thing. I'll see if he wouldn't mind doing that here instead. That way I feel better that you have some company, you feel better that I went to the party, and you get a chance to get to know one of my friends a bit better. I was serious before, my friends are like my family and I want you guys to get along." Xander said.

Harry sighed, he saw no way around it, "Well if Giles doesn't mind then sure, he can come on over, he seemed the most reasonable of the bunch anyway." He said.

Xander smiled, "Great! It's settled then! I'll run by the store get you some candy to hand out and then I'll talk to Giles." He said giving Harry a quick peck on the mouth before he left.

"Take my car! I don't like you walking everywhere!" Harry called out after him.

"Yes dear!" Xander said laughingly in a high pitched voice.

Harry giggled despite himself. Then he hissed as his back cramped up in a wave of pain, Harry stuffed his face into his pillow and bit down on it to keep from screaming. It was damn inconvenient when these random pains came on, it had been happening intermittently since his escape from that dungeon and this time seemed worse than the last. It had been years, when would he finally b free of that nightmare?

**~Xander~**

Xander wondered how he got himself into these situations. He had run into Anya at the store when he was buying candy for Harry and she had just seemed so…pathetic…more so than usual. She wasn't a demon anymore, she didn't seem to have any friends and she wasn't good at the whole…being human thing. It had been a mix of pity, empathy and desperation to get away that Xander had invited her to the party. Now he had to worry about her actually coming and taking his invitation the wrong way.

At least Giles hadn't been too hard to convince to spend the night giving out candy with Harry. Xander thought it might have to do with Harry's extensive tea selection…Giles was always complaining about American tea. Personally Xander didn't get it, what was with the English and their obsession with tea?

Harry had gotten him a very nice suit for a costume when he had found out Xander had just been planning to rent one. His excuse had been every man needed a good formal suit…though Xander didn't know when he would ever wear it again. However, Xander was getting a bit more used to being spoiled like this…though it was still weird having someone so willing to gift him things. It wasn't a bad feeling. Giles and Harry had seemed to have gotten along well enough by the time he left and Xander hoped that was a good sign.

If Harry managed to get Giles approval than the rest of the group wouldn't be far behind and it might thaw Buffy some. Xander wanted them to at least get along with Harry before he worked up the courage to tell them about their…relationship…. Xander wondered if it was a good idea to come to these college parties at all because when he had dropped by earlier with Oz the other guys hadn't seemed too friendly to him. If he was honest, Xander would admit that most college people seemed to be almost downright hostile to 'civilians'.

Xander hadn't had the grades for any of the scholarships offered last year, his parents flat refused to help him with college cost, and so he had opted out of going. College hadn't seemed that much different than high school from his visits to Buffy and Willow. It seemed like if anything, the only difference was that people liked to lord going to college over other non-college goers and liked pretending they knew more than they really did. If Xander was honest…going to college wasn't that appealing to him but he only ever felt bad about not going when one of the snot nosed brats tried lording it over him.

It wasn't like he had anything to defend against that, he had yet to find a steady job and had a mounting list of odd jobs under his belt already. If Xander hadn't had Harry to talk to about the anger when one of those assholes decided to rag on him about not going to college Xander was sure he would have gone insane. It was bad enough that he felt so disconnected from his friends since he couldn't relate to their college woes. That was part of the reason he was trying so damn hard to keep their group together even when they seemed to forget all about him.

**~Harry~ **

If Harry was surprised about how easily he had gotten along with Rupert Giles he didn't acknowledge it. Giles was an easy man to talk to and around an hour after Xander left to go to his party they were sitting in the living room discussing music. Giles had been a band in his youth was a surprisingly good singer and played the guitar with comfortable ease. Harry liked talking to him about music, since it was safe ground that they shared.

Giles had been a bit annoyed that no trick or treaters seemed to be stopping by the house since between them they had a variable mountain of candy to hand out. The pain on his back was still coming and going…thankfully Harry managed to keep it from Giles. He didn't know what was going on with his back but Harry had a feeling it wasn't the normal pains from before. It was Halloween after all and messed up took on a whole new level for him on this day.

"So what brought you to Sunnydale, it's not exactly well known," Giles said as he munched on some candy.

"I could say the same to you mate, posh champ like you coming to a little place like this," Harry teased expertly avoiding the question.

"Come now, you gotten me curious what brought you here Harry?" Giles said easily redirecting the conversation much to Harry's annoyance.

"Well, I came for Xander, anyroad, where do you get your tea? I've had to get mine flown in, bloody Yankees don't know good tea if it got up and punch them," Harry said smoothly.

"Quite right, I've been making do with what my champs send from across the pond I'm afraid I haven't managed to find any good tea here," Giles said regretfully.

Just as Harry was about to continue their conversation there was a frantic knocking at the door and Giles went to answer it hoping for an impatient tick or treater. It was a lucky thing because right then the pain reached a height making it impossible for Harry to keep in a groan. He heard Giles talking to someone, obviously not a child and Harry got up to make his excuses so he could hide out in his room to ride this wave of pain out.

The odd woman at the door was talking excitedly, Harry barely noted the bunny suit with some amusement, and "Looks like you need to catch up with your friend Giles. I'll just pop up to my room to give you champs some privacy shall I?" Harry said as he inched his way up the stairs. Had the pain not clouding his senses Harry would have paid more attention to the extraordinary things the woman was saying to Giles and would have a bit more suspicious.

As it was the pain was distracting him enough he barely noted Giles practically ignoring him and rushing out the door with the woman. Harry made it to his room with some difficulty and barely managed to activate his silencing wards before he gave into the pain screaming. He ripped off his shirt because the pressure of it against the skin of his back was almost unbearable. Harry curled up on the ground a weeping mess as something rippled under the skin of his back.

Had Harry been able to see his back he would have been horrified to watch as his back bulged and twisted under the scarred skin. Harry groaned, tried to keep from screaming as the pain mounted, and time stopped having meaning. He got onto his knees and grasped onto the comforter on his bed resting his forehead against his mattress.

Harry bit down on the corner of the mattress as he screamed as his back twisted and something burst from it. He felt the familiar sensation of warm blood sliding thickly down his back and listened to the all too familiar sound of blood hitting the walls/floor. The pain dimmed a bit but was still raw and with every beat of his heart Harry felt the thump of pain pulse through his back pushing more blood from torn flesh. For a long time Harry didn't move…because he didn't want to look at the new horror that was his back. Harry thought a bit hysterically that if he closed his eyes tightly he wouldn't have to acknowledge what was happening…that the pain would disappear as if it were a dream.

After a while Harry forced himself to crawl to his bathroom, the bleeding wasn't stopping and Harry certainly didn't want to die pathetically of blood loss. It was time to face whatever it was and he crawled slowly across his room. There was an odd added weight on his back but Harry forced himself to keep moving and ignore it. When he got to the door separating his room from the bathroom he felt a weak sense of accomplishment that he hadn't blacked out yet.

Harry used the doorway to help him to his feet and limped his way into the room from there. What he saw in the mirror froze him in disbelief and temporarily shut down his ability to think. In the mirror was a sight he hadn't seen since Raziel…that it was his own reflection didn't sink in at first. Wings. Black Wings drenched in his blood…he had wings sticking out of his back…all he could think was…_**fuck**_.

Somehow he managed to mechanically get undressed and get into his shower so he could rinse off the blood to see what he was dealing with as far as injury went. Harry watched the water run red for a good long while making him think of some cheesy horror movie. Once the water faded to pink Harry tried to feel around his back to get an idea of the damage…not his best idea. He waited until the water ran clear before he got out and used a creative combination of mirrors/ levitation spells to see his back.

It wasn't pretty; the wings had come out of the ragged ropey scars on his shoulder blades. If Harry had to guess, the wings must have done more damage than they would have if there hadn't been such a thick padding of scar tissue. He gulped down some emergency potions he kept in the medicine cabinet and watched the ragged torn skin around the wings heal. This was going to suck. Harry knew he should have just stayed in bed today…Halloween was never a good day for him. What was he going to tell Xander?

**~Xander~**

Xander wasn't sure what he hated more, the fact that his greatest fear was becoming completely beneath his friends' notice or that the demon they had been so afraid of had only been six inches tall. The idiotic frat boys had painted a real summoning symbol on the floor of the attic and it had caused all sorts of hell for them. Fears coming alive and manifesting into things that could actually _kill them_. Yeah so not fun. He wished he had just stayed home with Harry and just ignored his whining about not ruining the holiday for him.

After this debacle he was in the firm camp of Halloween dislike and wasn't planning on celebrating it again anytime soon. The others followed Xander back to the house because they all weren't too ready to be alone just yet. Xander didn't blame them spending a night facing your fears was not a good experience. Though he wished Giles hadn't just left Harry all alone Xander was glad he came to save the day. He sighed when he finally made it home slumping into his couch gratefully.

Willow, Buffy, Oz and Anya attacked the candy mountain. Xander wasn't sure how he felt about the whole Anya issue. If he hadn't invited her there would have been no one to tell Giles that something was wrong at the frat house. At the same time Xander was a bit upset that Buffy still stubbornly refused to let him tell Harry about the hellmouth freakiness that was their lives. Xander had the feeling Harry would have been able to help somehow…Harry just made everything better.

Speaking of, Xander trudged up the stairs determined to drag Harry out of his room. Once the gang actually spent time with Harry Xander was sure they would warm up. Then Buffy would let Xander tell Harry everything. That wouldn't happen if Xander let Harry hide away in his room every time his friends stopped by. He would drag him out of his room by force if he had to!

**A.N.: done! Lol Episode four of season four of Buffy down! Lol hoped you liked it! Please review and let me know what you think! On a side note I am working on publishing a children's book if anyone is interested in seeing it! Lol I illustrated it and wrote the narrative all by my lonesome! Lol **


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